Brown Sludge

Hunting The Unicorn - The No B.S. Guide To Bagging A Wii This Holiday Season

December 12th, 2007

So… you’ve waited until 2 weeks before Christmas, and now you’re trying desperately to buy a Wii for you or your family - problem is - there are none to be found.

Unless…

You want to pay one of the soul-less profiteers on e-Bay $500.00 - $750.00 for something that is only worth $249.99?

Well… this summer I finally broke down and decided to get one. I also decided that I would rather EAT BROKEN SHARDS OF GLASS than pay some TOOL on E-Bay one cent more than the Wii was actually worth.

Here is the TRUE story of what I went through - and how to get it done - WITHOUT rewarding a GOUGER.

First off - a little perspective. Before you undertake this you should know what you are buying.

The Wii is a very cute little game machine. It’s inexpensive. It has good graphics, and a growing list of games. It’s worth the $249.99 that they charge for it. It is NOT nearly as good as a PS3 or an X-Box. The graphics are sub-par and the list of available games isn’t anywhere nearly as expansive as the other consoles.

Fact of the matter is - it’s just a souped up version of the old, tired, and now RE-tired Game-Cube that didn’t sell particularly well. The graphics are really mediocre in comparison to the other systems, and it’s one redeeming feature is the unique little wireless controllers (which, by the way - eat AA batteries like candy) - a feature that the other game boxes are quickly incorporating into their controllers. But some of the games are just warmed over Game-Cube games. Not so great really.

So… before you sign up for this safari - you should know that what you’re hunting isn’t all that great. It’s cute - to be sure - and a great deal of fun - not to mention it’s fun-factor for the entire family. It’s very wife and girl-friend friendly. I’m not saying it’s not worth the work it’s going to take to get it - I’m just trying to give you a little perspective on what it is you are hunting. Don’t think it’s the greatest system on the market. It isn’t. The PS3 blows it away from a graphics standpoint. Maybe even the PS2. Certainly the X-Box. But the PS3 is nearly twice as expensive - and ugly as sin. So is the X-Box 360.

In short - the Wii is unique and a great deal of fun - it’s not just on the same level as other game boxes. Period.

Secondly - you are going to hear a great many apocryphal stories from your friends, co-workers, families and store clerks.

Listen to me very closely.

They are all BULL… SHIT.

Trust me on this one.

I donated 8 weeks of my life to finding out the TRUTH behind what’s going on with this “Wii Shortage” and I’m going to lay every iota of it out right here.

And I’m starting with every relative, friend, co-worker, friend of a friend, and store clerk who has LIED through their pointy little teeth about how they got a Wii.

Know Ye This. You are going to hear 100 variations of the following lines told by a LOT of people - some of whom you know and love

“I was just walking through (insert store name here) and THERE they WERE! Like… TEN of them! - No problem at ALL!”

“Yeah… I had a friend who works for (insert store name here ) - they gave me a call when they came in. I just drove down and PICKED one right UP!”

“Oh yeah… they get like… 3 a day at (insert store name here). I just watched for a couple of days and got one - easy.”

“I just called (insert store name here) and they said they were expecting a shipment (insert day name here) - I just drove over and got one when they came in.”

“A friend of mine at work saw them at (insert store name here) and bought like… THREE of them… they sold me mine for just a few bucks over retail.”

Snork.

I really could care less how close you are to these people - they may be trusted friends or even loved ones and family members… but…

They are all lying out their ASS.

They are doing so because… well… they were morons and paid some gouging butt-nugget on e-Bay 2X or 3X what it’s worth just to get one. They have to explain how they have one - but they can’t admit to you that they paid more than two or three times what it was worth without looking like… well…. a complete tool.

I guess you can’t blame them.

But… don’t be an even bigger tool and believe them. Because… they’re lying. Trust me.

I spent 8 weeks of my life, 8 hours a day, every single day, in pursuit of one, and here is what I found out during those 8 weeks.

You should know that I work right next door to a major shopping mall, and there is a Best Buy and a Circuit City on either side of it. And an EBGames/GameStop inside of it. There is also a Target on the same street on the WAY to the mall. Oh yes. There is.

Every single day for 8 weeks I ran the exact same pattern.

At 10:00AM break - I drove in order to : BestBuy, Circuit City, Target, GameStop.

I did it again at 11:30 when I went to lunch.

I did it again at 12:30 when I was returning for lunch.

I did it again at 2:00 pm break.

I did it again at 5:30 pm on the way home.

I did it again at 09:00 pm in the evening to try to catch them at closing time.

Rinse. Repeat. Every single day.
On the weekends I did the exact same schedule.

I never deviated. Not once in 8 weeks.

First of all… I don’t know what the deal with EBGames and GameStop is, but in 8 weeks of checking each and every store 3 times a day - they never, ever, never, ever, ever, had a single Wii or Wii peripheral for sale. Only the games. Now… I was told by their employees (6 times a day, every day for 8 weeks) that they ‘got them in all the time’. But they never once had one in. Ever. Once. I wonder if they are even on the distribution list to tell you the truth. You would figure that at some point in an 8 week span, at least ONE Wii would show up. But… they never did. I got a lot of conflicting bullshit from their employees. “We got about 5 of them in this morning at 10:00AM”. Bullshit. I was THERE this morning at 10:00AM. And again at 11:30AM. The employee there at that time said there hadn’t been a Wii in stock for DAYS.

So… just lots of lies actually.

I realized pretty quickly they lied. A LOT.

Target was just a nightmare. Their people are zombies. Try asking anyone in any Target store any damned thing. They look at you like they want to eat your brain and start slobbering. It’s enough to say that in 8 weeks of checking several times a day they never had one in stock, and they never answered a single question. I even asked to see the manager once. He refused to talk to me. Gawd.

Circuit City was much the same. Nobody knew anything. Ever. And WHY were you bothering them with questions? They don’t put up with much for $5.85 an hour. Pee-Eew. There were a couple of times after they advertised them in circulars that I showed up on a Sunday morning to a line in front of the place - but you couldn’t get in. Once you were in they had apparently had about 20 of them, but they went to people in line. Hmmm. I started thinking.

Best Buy was another set of nightmares. Only they LIED a LOT MORE. Wow. Almost EVERY TIME I went into a Best Buy I had “just missed a whole bunch of them” or conveniently they had “just sold the LAST ONE!”.

6 times a day. For 8 weeks. I heard that lie. “Oh… you JUST missed the LAST ONE”. Or even better. “Well… we had about 30 of them this morning… but… they went fast!”. Funny - I was THERE this morning at opening. Nobody on that SHIFT knew a damned thing about them.

Except one Sunday morning. I showed up at opening to a line around the place. People had “tickets”. They gave a ticket to the first 35 people in line. Those people got a Wii. I actually got to see one of the elusive boxes. With my own eyes. They DID exist. But… I still didn’t get one. Double Hmmm.

That’s when I caught on to The Scam.

These places were HOARDING the Wiis. And lying to the public at large about when they did/did not come in.

What was happening was obvious after I had figured it out.

Whenever these places would get a shipment of Wiis - they would stockpile them.

Please… you must believe me about this. None of these places EVER once EVER put a SINGLE Wii on the shelf on a regular day. Ever. They kept them in the back. Until they had a few of them.

Then they advertised in the Saturday sale circulars for the Sunday openings. Because it’s illegal to advertise something you DON’T have in STOCK.

It makes perfect sense. You can’t advertise something you DON’T have.

If you put the Wii’s OUT on the SHELF - they will always be sold. So… you can’t ADVERTISE them.

And advertising a Wii brings a lot of people into the store.

So…

You stockpile all the Wiis. Lie through your teeth to the public. Then advertise them to draw in the BIG crowds, and you can actually have a few for sale to stay legal. Tah-Dah!

So…

I watched for a while. And tested this theory.

I checked the Sunday sale circulars. No Wii’s advertised. I drove by BB and CC that Sunday morning early. No lines in front. Same story all week with no Wii’s in the store.

Then… one Saturday, the paper had a BB circular that said they would have Wii’s on Sunday. I drove by early the next morning. There were about 50 angry looking people lined up in front of the store.

GOT ‘EM.

Sooo…

I waited some more.

A couple of weeks later BB advertised them for Sunday again. I got there at the butt-crack of dawn - 7:00 am - for a 10:00 am opening. There were 4 people there already. By 8:00AM there are 20 people in line. By 9:00AM 50. By opening time the line is too long to count. They opened the doors. They had about 40 of them stacked by the door. I grabbed one.

Bang.

Just like that. After trying for 8 long weeks. I had mine. AND I paid retail for it.

The first 40 people in line when they opened got one. The rest sucked it.

Then I heard and saw some conflict over by the peripherals. I forgot about those. The Wii only comes with one controller, and one sports game that has 5 sports on it. I needed another controller for another player and another game. Controllers are as rare as Wiis. So are the Nun-Chuks that some Wii games use. I got an extra, but there were only a few left when I got over there. They must come in on the same shipment that the game units do. I heard a BB employee telling someone who didn’t get a Wii that “We’d have more out later this week, probably on Monday - We get put them out ALL WEEK LONG“.

I resisted the urge to treat that turd to a short, but very painful visit from the Slap Fairy.

I also have to say that almost half of the people in that line confessed to being e-Bay profiteers. Low life hoosiers who only wanted a Wii because they could hawk it to morons willing to pay on e-Bay, or CL.

To BB’s credit, they DID enforce the One Customer - One Wii rule. Which I was glad to see, but unfortunately some of the people in line had shills with them to beat the system. The one boy in front of me was buying his 7th Wii to sell on e-Bay and was quite proud of himself. His DAD was with him in line, as well as his MOM and another idiot relative. They were buying 4 total that day to hawk. They were laughing derisively at the idiots who paid them - and were bragging of their big score - someone who had actually bid one up to $800.00! I looked at the long line behind me, and saw the faces of those who WEREN’T going to get a Wii that day because of this family of trash. They were only one of many in line that day.

So…

Now you know.

The ONLY way you are probably going to get a Wii is to A) Watch the sale circulars until they are advertised. Don’t waist a second looking for them any other way. And B) Go stand in line.

Unfortunately, if you’ve waited until this close to Christmas, you are going to have to get there EXCEPTIONALLY early, perhaps… I’m sorry to say… even the night before in order to get your place in line. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to see people lining up at store closing the night before. Truly.

Please don’t think you’re just going to waltz into a store and get one. Please don’t believe those who are lying to you that they did.

And please… whatever you do… do NOT pay some low-life, scum-sucking, dirt-eating, window-licking, soulless gouger ASSWIPE a single penny over retail for one. Or you’re part of the problem.

Just… don’t.

I beat the Game. You can too.

I enjoy my Wii so much more knowing I didn’t pay extra for it.

-Mac-

Entry Filed under: General