Brown Sludge

Room 101 Contains The Worst Thing In The World

October 8th, 2007

In Orwell’s 1984, “room 101″ contains the Worst Thing In The World.

The Worst Thing In The World is different for each person. In room 101 lies the thing each of us fears the aboslute most.

Near the end of the book, there is a scene where Winston, the protagonist, has been taken to “room 101″ - Orwell’s symbolic place where each person must face that which they fear the most. Winston has been restrained in a chair and is under interrogation by O’Brian, a determined and hateful member of the inner circle who has finally sprang a trap that took years to formulate.
Winston is then forced to come face-to-face with his deepest fear.

For Winston that fear is to be eaten by rats. O’Brian knows this, and has constructed a cage/helmet device which he fits over Winston’s face. Only a thin (removable) wall separates Winstons face from a container of ravenous rats that are trying desperately to chew through the wall and eat his face.

When faced with his ultimate fear - Winston panics and informs on the woman he loves, even going as far as to wish the rats on her, instead of him.

It breaks his mind, and he is never the same afterward.

On Thursday of this week, I go to my own “room 101″ and will be forced to face The Worst Thing In The World. To me at least.

My deep and abiding fear of the dentist was born from two things.

First, when I was a small child some of the very most trouble you could get into was for getting sick, or needing a trip to the dentist. We were a very poor family, and to my parents anyone who got sick or had a toothache had brought it on themselves by ‘not taking care of themselves’. Often my younger brother and I were accused of DELIBERATELY getting sick - just to ruin the family finances. It was abusive on it’s face, but the real abuse was the unending GUILT that was heaped upon us for ‘ruining’ things by getting sick. Because we were sick or needed medical attention the family couldn’t “go anywhere” or “do anything” and they (my parents) would never ever “have anything” because of us “damned kids” and our deliberate attempts to get sick and cause medical bills.

Over time this gets ingrained in a person’s psyche. I didn’t realize how terribly abusive this was until I was much older, but by then the psychological damage was too great.

To this day getting sick or needed dental care brings with it a swelling of psychological terror and guilt. I’m going to go bankrupt. I’m going to ruin my family. I’m “ruining” things by being sick. It’s horrible. Truly.

Later in life - during a period in which I was trying to overcome my psychological fear of the dentist - I had to have a tooth extracted. I was unfortunate enough to be referred to a man who people seemed to be respected, but who had absolutely ZERO TOLERANCE for those who were afraid of his profession. To make his point and perhaps for a little payback he jabbed too enthusiastically with the novacaine injection. I heard a terrible snapping sound. He had inadvertently busted the needle off in the roof of my mouth. It was quite an ordeal to fish it out.

Needless to say it solidified my fear to a dangerous point.

Now… after years of fear and avoidance - I find myself with problems that can no longer be avoided.

This Thursday I got to face my “room 101″.

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