Brown Sludge

Independents Behaving Badly - Part II

April 2nd, 2006

I do not carry cash. Ever. I haven’t for years and years. Once in a while I need to go downtown where I’ll need cash for parking, or my daughter needs cash for something and on those occasions I stop and get cash to distribute as necessary.

I have a debit card. It’s typically accepted universally at all places that accept Visa cards because it has the Visa card logo on it. In the places that don’t have debit capability – they simply run it as a credit card and it comes out of my account in exactly the same way as it would have if they ran it as a debit, and virtually every business in America accepts the Visa card.

For me, it’s all about convenience. Using the debit card instead of cash frees me from the hassle of finding a “fee friendly” ATM – and removing cash. I almost always have to withdraw a little more than I need of course. If I’m taking Pretty Jamie out for crab cakes and ‘something chocolate’ – and I suspect it’s going to be a $30.00 dinner, I take out $40 – to be safe. If I’m going down into the city proper, and I suspect it will cost $5.00 for parking, I take out $10, or $15 to not be caught short.

My debit card frees me from that – saves me a little money – and keeps me from walking around with cash in pocket. It’s the way I, a consumer, prefer to do business. It’s the way most American’s prefer to pay for their purchases.

Brown Sludge knows this.

Every Big Box Store and Brown Sludge Big Corporate Chain Retailer or Restaurant knows this too. This is why they take every card known to man. They want your money. They want it to be as easy as possible for you to whip out that card and hurt your community by shopping at their store instead of your local independent like you should.

Most independents know this too, and offer the same convenience. The intelligent local independent business knows that in order to compete with Big Box Brown Sludge, they have to make it as easy for you to shop with them as they possibly can. Lacking the leviathan buying power of the Big Box Marts, their prices are typically a few cents higher, and they understand that as independents they need to differentiate themselves from the Big Boxes by offering a higher level of Customer Service and convenience as a “value added” feature of doing business with them.

Unfortunately, Greed-Grubbing isn’t the exclusive provenance of Brown Sludge. There are too many local independents that are just as Greedy and Hog-Jawed and insist upon screwing their customers just like the Big Boys do.

And it’s these people who need to be ran out of business.

It’s these people who make my job of preaching small, local and independent over large, multinational and corporate harder than it should be. They also give independents a bad name, and give the slobbering morons who think that the Big Box Marts are the very pinnacle of conservative dogma negative examples to point to.

Now… it’s no secret that Visa and American Express and most banks who issue debit cards charge the retailer a few pennies each time a customer uses their card. It’s how some of them make their money. Typically Visa and MasterCard only charge a few cents because they make the bulk of their money off of interest on the float. American Express apparently charges a few pennies more than Visa because they don’t allow the float – and have to make more on the charge.

Most businesses, large or small, build this charge into their cost structure and understand that at the end of the day the convenience and courtesy of allowing a customer to user their credit or debit card actually bring customers in the door, and make them a little money. The smarter ones have actually built a few pennies more into their price structure, and are probably making money on the card transactions net/net.

But there are still a handful of independents so blinded by Greed and Avarice that they simply cannot deal with the idea of being charged a few pennies for allowing the use of those debit cards.

Typically, these idiots are pretty up front about not accepting credit or debit cards. They’re so disconnected from reality that they’re stupid enough to put up signs proclaiming proudly that they are so greedy and stupid that they accept “CASH ONLY NO CREDIT CARDS AND NO CHECKS!!!”.

There is a little soft serve ice-cream store in West County near where I live. They’re not much of an ice cream frozen place really. Their schtick is that they only have one flavor of soft-serve. Only one flavor period. Vanilla. (I’m serious). He has a lot of different toppings. But only one flavor. Vanilla. And it’s not a very good vanilla either. It’s also extraordinarily overpriced for generic vanilla soft-serve with canned “Sam’s Club” toppings.

On the door of the place as you walk in right “in your face” is a hand written sign in black magic marker proudly proclaiming in gigantic block letters “CASH ONLY NO CREDIT CARDS AND NO CHECKS!!!” “NO CHECKS” is underlined 3 times.

Unfortunately people are crazy for this place, and I have a theory why. That area of West County is extremely densely populated with people and businesses. It’s near the confluence of a lot of different entertainment venues and business parks. And there is only one place for several miles in either direction that sells ice cream.

Now… you can try as hard as you like to convince me that this place is an “authentic” local business, but you’d be wasting your time. He’s simply lucky enough to have nailed down a geographically advantageous location with very little competition. His product sucks. His business ethic sucks. His business model is pathetic.

Instead of shooting for something genuine and offering his customers a decent product at a decent price and really cultivating his location and lack of competition, he has instead foolishly adopted the Brown Sludge business model: “Offer as little as possible for as much as possible and no matter how much quality and customer service suffer – you must optimize profit by making the product as cheaply as possible.”

Just like Big Box Mart.

Needless to say I don’t patronize him either. Ever.

But there is another, more insipid version of this behavior that isn’t quite so up front and “in your face” and I’ve ran across it several times in the last few months.

These are the retailers that realize that not accepting debit or credit cards puts them at a horrible competitive disadvantage – but are still so blinded by uncontrollable greed that they bring themselves to pay those paltry pennies for that credit card transaction – even when it’s already built into their prices.

Earlier this week the weather here in the Midwest turned warm and sunny, and I took a extended lunch break to get a few miles in on my bicycle. After a long and glorious ride on the Katy Trail – I was starving. But… I work in a gigantic business park in the county, and in that gigantic business park (it must cover 15 or 20 square miles without exaggeration) there is only a single gas station complex that has something other than a Burger Doodle in it.

As I drove by it I noticed that nestled in between the Big Brown Sludge sandwich and pizza chain stores there was a brand new Mexican restaurant, ostensibly independently owned and operated. I was there! I’ll always give the local independent my money when I’ve got a choice. I practice what I preach, Dangit!

I drive by the front to make a check and see if they’re going to be idiots, or if they accept my debit card. There in the front window is proudly displayed the multicolored Visa/MasterCard logo. Score! I notice that the Brown Sludge chain stores are packed to capacity, and that the smaller independent is relatively empty. I’m gonna be proud to patronize them and help them out. Or so I thought.

Almost from the second I enter the place, I’m aware that this isn’t going to go well. They’re prices are outrageous. Regular 12 oz. cans and 16 oz. Bottles of soda that they’ve bought in bulk (probably from a Sam’s Club) are almost $2.00 each. Next door at Brown Sludge they understand that soda is a “loss leader” and are charging $1.49 for a gigantic 44 oz. Tub O’ Cola. They have bottles too, but they’re in the .99 cent range.

Their menu prices are steep too. While just about every Brown Sludge chain store on that retail island is bringing the multitude of businessmen a lunch in the $6.00 to $8.00 range, these guys don’t have an item on the menu that is going to let you get out of there for much under $10.00 or $12.00 bucks. That’s a hard sell in the middle of Brown Sludge chain crap.

Now… I’m always preaching that you have to bite it back and pay a little extra sometime if you’re going to do the Anti-Brown Sludge thing, so I swallow my Scottish Heritage and order a medium level entrée - $7.99 just for the burrito and an extra $1.59 for the beans and rice. That’s basically $9.60 for the meal, and when you add $1.99 for the soda you’re talking $12 bucks when they add the tax. On the upside – their portions look really big, so – you seem to be getting a good value at least. On big portions you can sometimes eat ½ for lunch and save ½ for dinner, and call it a $6.00 split. (Hey… I said I was Scottish didn’t I?)

Now… even though the competition up and down both sides of the little strip mall island where these guys are is just packed to the gills, these guys only have one other customer in the entire place. I’m guessing that most of the businessmen don’t want to part with over $10.00 for their lunches, but… like I said… I’m doing my part for Small, Local, Independent.

It takes forever for them to get my food. They are apparently “authentic” Mexican food, and they speak very limited English. I’ve taken an extra long ride, and I’m actually a little late getting back, and so… I’m really feeling the delay. It takes them a solid 4-6 minutes to take my order – and another good solid 6-8 minutes to make my order. 10-15 minutes in a lunch-time take-out environment is an eternity. I keep telling myself I’m doing the right thing, and that it’ll be worth it.

After they finally get it all together, I make my way do the cash-register and hand over my debit card and my drivers license.

The cashier doesn’t even bother to look at them and shoves them back at me “No no no no no…” he says in a thick Hispanic accent. “Cash please.” He states. It’s not a request. “I don’t have cash.” I say, and there is probably more bass in my voice than there should be. I point to the “Visa/MasterCard” sign in the window, and shove the cards right back at him. “Sign says you take Visa and Mastercard” I look him right in the eyes so that he understands my resolve, “This is the same as a Visa card.” I add.

He holds up his hands so as not to touch the plastic cards in my hand. “No.” he says again, “dah machine is broken” he says, and points to the Visa machine on the counter. The thick layer of dust and food crumbs on it tell me that “dah machine” has been broken since they opened. “You give me cash.” He orders.

I’m angry beyond words. I tuck the card and my license back in my wallet with a terse gesture, and begin to stalk out. As I reach the exit the cashier barks a smug “we save for you till you come back… with cash”. I make no response.

I go next door to the Brown Sludge chain sandwich shop. I get a Turkey on Rosemary Parmesan Bread and Dr. Pepper, and wait in line another 5 minutes so that I can hand ‘the enemy’ $7.50 of my hard earned money. They smile when they run my debit card. It cost them probably .08 or .12 cents to run that transaction, and they have probably added .30 cents to the sandwich as a result.

As I’m taking my groddy little Brown Sludge sandwich back to my vehicle, I cross back across the little independent’s storefront. It’s still empty. I can see my $12.00 order still sitting on the counter where I left it. Pedro sees me with his competitors bag in my hand, and decides to confront me about my purchase as I’m getting back in to my truck.

He brings the food to the door and motions to me with it. “You pay for this!” he barks in pigeon English. I give him a sad look and an insincere shrug and tell him “Can’t do it, don’t have any cash.” He looks at the bag in my hand. “Why you order food you not pay for?” he shouts. I put my sandwich on the front seat of my truck and walk back up to face him, so that he understands that being confrontational carries with it the consequences of having someone in your grill.

I keep my words measured and calm. “I’m perfectly willing to pay for it, but… you don’t take my card like your sign says. When I ordered the food I expected you to honor your advertisement and accept my card. You won’t honor your commitment, so I’m not paying. If you’re not going to accept the cards – you should take the sign down and quit baiting people into your restaurant under false pretense.”

“You…” he stammers, less confrontational now that someone is a foot or so from his face, “you go get cash and come back.” He’s still gesturing to me with the food in a stabbing motion and just not getting it.

“I’ll be back…” I say, through gritted teeth, “when you learn how to do business in this country.”

I give him my back and start walking back to my truck

“You not come back anymore.” He says, defiance dripping from his voice.

I turn around for a minute and take a long look at his restaurant. I make a wide sweeping gesture at his empty dining room with my arm as I meet his eyes. “Don’t worry.” I say… “none of us will.”

Entry Filed under: Brown Sludge Explained, Thoughts