Brown Sludge

Whistling Through The Graveyard On Abramoff

January 6th, 2006

Howard Kurtz at the Washington Post hasn’t wasted a moment elbowing into what will soon become a very long line to make sure he gets his licks as the GOP is spanked on by courtesy of the Abramoff debacle.

In this January 6, 2006 piece he gets his palms warmed up for what will surely be the first of many.

Unfortunately, Kurtz’s aim on this is absolutely dead-on.

Virtually all of the “conservative blogs” are either :

• Ignoring the story completely (everyone knows that the toe-eating monster cannot get you if you keep the covers pulled up far enough over your head).
• Clinging pathetically to the “Democrats Were Just As Bad!” meme.
• Doing the Gigantic Theatrical “Stage Yawn” and proclaiming it a “Non-Story” outright.

Virtually all of the conservative pundits (both print and broadcast) are either silent or playing a variation on the “Democrats Are Just As Bad” tune.

It’s got a nice beat… but… I just can’t dance to it.

Kurtz is kind enough to point to a couple of wise conservative voices (Peggy Noonan of course, and David “Don’t Call Me David Brock” Brooks”) - and there’s a word in there from Captain Newt as well - who think this isn’t going to just blow over.

It always breaks my heart when they stick a microphone in Newt’s face.

Here is the guy whose vision and guidance brought the Republicans a majority in both houses for the first time in FORTY TWO YEARS - and his reward was a big “Hey Newt - couldya wouldya mind waiting outside? We need your seat for a friend of ours from K Street - mmmkay? Thanks.”

Newt was the original “Girl Next Door” for the GOP. He was conservative, intelligent, and sharp as a whip. No pun intended.

He’s the one who’s hard work and tenacity got us to the dance.

But then those horndogs on the Hill became unfaithful. They got a “chick on the side”. She was a very naughty girl - not to mention a certifiable “bunny-boiler”.

Her name was “K Street”.

Now… they know full well what kind of “girl” K Street is - but they are absolutely powerless to say anything bad about her. She’s got a wicked temper - and although she’ll sleep with absolutely anyone (and has) - she still doesn’t like to be called a “tramp”. If you point out that she’s a little “free” with her attentions - she gets quite offended and then develops lock-jaw of the legs. And the GOP is definitely addicted to her lovin’ - and probably more than a little afraid of her in a Basic Instinct sort of way if you know what I mean.

My biggest worry is that while the GOP is desperately trying to maintain their “chick on the side” - they’re going to lose their real girl - the one that they can bring home and introduce to Mom on the Holidays. Their sweet and loyal conservative constituents are going want some answers soon - about all those lobbyist-colored lipstick marks on their collars - and I’ve got a feeling it isn’t going to be pretty.

Here’s a hot tip for all of them.

The notion that having the most money means you’ve won the ideological war is intellectually perverted.

Money doesn’t equal power.

Votes do.

And it is absolutely impossible to actually “buy” a vote. Can’t be done. Even if you were slimy enough to give a person actual cash in their hand in return for voting for you - you have no way of knowing if they actually punch your chad or not. None. Whatsoever.

You only hold your offices as long as people vote for you - and you may be laboring under the misguided idea that Money=Votes - but you couldn’t be more wrong - and all the money from all the personal riches and corporate donations and lobbyists and special interests in the world won’t save you when your voted out of office because you’ve forsaken the Beating Heart that compromises your base.

Chew on that one for a little bit.

Let me know what you spit out.

Entry Filed under: The Right Has It Wrong